Mia gets an MRI

Sometimes I wish I could be like Bret. I wish I could throw myself on the floor, kick and scream for a good hour. Let some frustration out, then re-group and continue with life like it's a bowl of cherries.
Instead, I find myself reaching my breaking point and producing shoulder-trembling sobs over the phone with a friend, or with a nurse I've never met, or one I've met too many times. It's a short lived tantrum as my mind tries to come to terms with my daughter's brain condition, my lack of knowledge, and all the new information I have to learn and cope with. Sometimes I need to cry for a good minute or two before composing myself in order to get the strength I need to do and learn what I need to do to help Mia.  I think if maybe I just stood outside the E.R and yelled,

THIS FREAKIN' SUUUUUUCKS!!!!

I would save myself the embarrassment of breaking down as often and in front of so many people.

Anyhow, enough about me. This post was about Mia's MRI anyway.

Yesterday we could NOT get Mia's pain under control. Being held hurt, touching her hurt. If I just laid her down and left her there, it hurt. Whenever I tried giving her some Tylenol, she would gag and throw up the medicine and her entire bottle.
She had a rough day yesterday too. I shaved her hair off in order to "even out" the bald spots created by the neurosurgeons. But there's no even-ing it out. It looks awful and I mourn the loss of Mia's hair, but I look forward to 2 weeks from now when it's grown out.

She still looks so pretty! Look at that face! 

Then, we went to the pediatrician's office for her 6 month check up and shots, where I had one of those breakdowns I mentioned above. Everyone loves Mia at her pediatrician's office.
So, after a 5 hour nap and taking an hour and a half to drink her bottle, then throwing it up... Again. I called neurosurgery. They told us to take her to the E.R. again.
I was going to have Heath stay with Bret, while I went with Mia to the E.R. but if I had to go to that place by myself again, I was going to do more than just sob for a minute or two. So, Bret's grandparents took him and I left (he gave me the tightest hug and broke my heart some more because I wasn't sure if we were going to go home that night or spend another night at the hospital).
While at the E.R. you have to tell like 10 different people the same information over and over again. I was so glad to have Heath there for moral support and to keep me from breaking down. Especially when they told us that there might be something wrong with her shunt. Again.

Mia had her very first MRI. She's so brave, that thing is loud and scary. I personally hate getting MRI's, but like everything, she took it like a champ. I have never seen a more beautiful brain. I know I'm biased and Mia's brain is the only one I've ever seen consistently, but I was proud of myself for being able to detect the ventricles in those scans and notice an improvement from last week. Still, when the neurosurgery resident came to our room to explain the shunt to us, I realized that we've just begun scratching the surface in our knowledge of the brain and all its intricacies.
This is how I can best explain it...
The brain has a bunch of freeways and highways where fluid travels. A shunt provides another way for it to travel. However, when there's scar tissue (from a shunt placement or a revision), sometimes it can block that exit way. That blocks the shunt and keeps it from working. That's what happened to Mia's shunt this last time and why they had to put it in the other side. LAST time, the shunt wasn't "shunting" enough, and THIS time it's shunting just right. So, her head had to get used to the new pressure of fluid.
Is your mind blown yet?
Mine was.
That's why Mia was so irritated changing from a sitting position to a laying position, to ANY position. The pressure in your head changes every time you do that. But our brains regulate it faster and get used to it faster than a person with hydrocephalus who's just had their shunt changed.

Look! Mia's x-ray! That's her shunt right there, that staw-like thing that goes pretty far into her brain. Then it comes out to her skull and wraps around her ear and down into her abdominal cavity. 

You get extra points if you can spot her shunt in this x-ray and tell me how it wraps around. It's pretty long huh? That's because she's going to grow and it needs to be able to stretch with her.

They gave us new pain medication in the form of a supossitory (mind blown again) and we were sent home.
Total time at the E.R: 5 hours

I am happy to report Mia is doing better today. She has smiled a lot more and we try not to move her as much or as fast. At least until she is for sure out of the "pain" stage. In a few more days.

Thanks for all the prayers! They're working!

Mia's 6 moths

Hey Mia!

First I just want to say, I wish we had better lighting in our apartment, and that I was a professional photographer. My pictures don't do you justice.
Now that THAT'S out of the way, let me just tell you, HAPPY SIX MONTHS!!

What a night huh? You'd make friends and then they'd poke you and make you sad. Also, all those machines beeping (especially the IV fluid)! People coming in and out of the room, poking you, listening to your heart beat, taking blood pressure. You handled it a lot better than I would have, that's for sure. You were probably too exhausted to notice, but I felt bad for the babies around us and how much they were hurting and crying.

I betcha you weren't planning on going under the knife (again), at your sixth month mark. Yeah. Me neither. I was actually planning on celebrating both your and your brother's half way mark by taking you to Sandy to see the release of the butterflies. I thought since we had been home for 2 days, because of your cold and shunt malfunction symptoms, you guys would enjoy some fresh air and watch butterflies fly away! Instead, we have other things to celebrate and we are celebrating in a different way.

The hospital gave you a nice blankie for your half birthday huh?!

Today we celebrate the easy access we have to medical care. I know you've heard me complain about the Emergency Room because it turns into the Long-Waiting Room. But I am quite grateful for the care they've given to you, and all the other kids around us. I see other parents walking the hallways worn out, tired, worried, and I just feel for them you know? Their baby is sick or hurting, and so is mine. How wonderful it is to live in a time when medicine has evolved so much and they can help you with your hydrocephalus. We live so close too!

Next, we can celebrate that you have a new shunt! You're probably going to have more stitches than last time, once you get out of surgery. For that, I'm sorry. It hurts me to see you hurt. They'll take out the old one and then open you up on your other side and put in a brand new one! They'll probably shave more of your hair off too. That makes me sad too because your curls are my favorite. But, it's okay! They'll grow back! Just think of how much more comfortable you'll be without that lump on your neck and the pressure in your head!

Then, once it's all over, we'll get to take you home! Bret misses you already. When I went home to get my stuff, he kept looking for you everywhere! Even in the diaper bag! He kept saying, "Me?! Me?!" Daddy and I explained where you were at, and he held me tight. He's going to be so excited when you get home and he can give you kisses again. I know you'll love it too because honestly, you guys are ridiculous in how much you love each other. Bret makes you laugh when no one else can.

You are my sunshine. Everyone who meets you, loves you instantly. You make everyone feel special with that smile of yours! Even the I.V nurses today, they felt so bad they had to poke you so many times, and with that grace you have, you just smiled at them and loved them instead. How do you do it? I'm falling apart over here, and yet, you remain strong. So, because you're strong, I know I can be strong too.

I love how attentive you are during our bedtime routine. We read all of Bret's favorite books and you sit there on my lap, enjoying them just as much as your brother. Then, you squeal in delight when we sing primary songs before we say our prayers.
l have felt so worried about you this week. Dragging my feet to the E.R because as good as it is, it's just not a place I've missed. Then, when we pray, when I sing to you and your brother, I can feel God's love for us. I don't feel so worried. I don't feel so anxious. I feel like, maybe I can do this. I see your dad working so hard for us and then coming home in between jobs just to give you a blessing and bring us all hope and peace. And you know what I think?  I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR OUR FAMILY!

So let's celebrate all of those wonderful things on your 6 month mark!
1.Modern Medicine
2.A new shunt
3. Coming home
4. Our family

Love you baby girl!

Just in case anyone wanted to know what song I belt out to my kids every morning, because I have found it so relevant to my life lately, here it is!

"He's the God of every story
He sees each tear that falls.
We may not understand, but one thing is certain,
He is faithful, He's a faithful God.

His ways are holier.
Than we could ever comprehend.
When our world is shaking, 
He hold us in the palm of His hand.

He's the God of every story.
No matter what I'm going through.
I may not understand, You are God and I am just a man.
Yeah I'm forever trusting in Your plan.
One thing is certain
You are faithful, You're faithful God."

          -Laura Story (God Of Every Story)

Toodlerhood

Bret has been pretty easy thus far. I mean, sure he cried a lot the first 3 months of his life, but once we figured out that I didn't have enough milk and he was hungry... it was a done deal! Sweetest baby! Funny. Super energetic, social, slept through the night. No problem!

So you can imagine my shock when he would produce his deafening screams every time I fed his sister, changed her, held her, challenged him in some way, or when he didn't get his way. At just 16 months!!!
My son's tsunami of emotions hit me completely unprepared. Finally, two weeks after the initial wave, I resurfaced and accepted the fact that Toddlerhood, had come knockin' crashing through my door.

We endured a month of soul-searching tantrums that lasted from 5-7 hours every. day. A nightmare! 

Then, it stopped. The tsunami turned into a hurricane and the hurricane to a tropical storm and now, we're just floating around in semi-raging waters. But we're good! SO much better than last month. 

Ladies and gentlemen,  

Bret is now 18 months!!!

Photo Credit: Alyssa Sue Photography

He is awesome! BEST brother ever! Just a completely different kid than a month ago. I think he may have been going through his mid-life crisis of wanting to be a baby, but wanting to grow up at the same time.

I will have to tell you though, all of the feelings he experiences, are basically magnified to the hundredth power.

For example:

When he's happy,

he's bouncing-off-the-walls happy.

When he's sad,

he's in-the-pit-of-despair sad

When he's angry,

Well, he burns a hole through your soul with his eyes

And when he loves,

he loves so deeply! He gives you the warmest fuzzies!

Bret is a chatter. Just like his mom. He actually talks more than me!

Here he is chatting up a storm with uncle Morgan, who had no idea what Bret was saying, but obliged to converse anyway. 

 I have NO clue what he says for like 90% of the time and the other 10% is the words I catch here and there. His voice is WAY deep. Just like his dad's.  I think his voice will begin cracking by age 5 and sound like a man by age 10. Here's a list of the words he says,

Check out THAT vocabulary! I think he's doing very well, if I do say so myself. I must admit, he hasn't said "Grandpa" to Grandpa's face yet, but he says it at home a lot.

He's combining words in English more, even though I almost always speak to him in Spanish.Which goes to show his wonderful bilingual abilities. I can't believe how smart he is!

He loves to read in English and Spanish. Sometimes, he sits down and I hear him reading to himself with the same intonation that I read to him. Or, the other day he was reading "Mr. Brown can Moo, can you?!" and every page, he would make the sounds corresponding to the page! 

Kind of.

He knows when I say, "Vamos a leer el Libro de Mormon!" (Let's go read The Book of Mormon!). He goes and gets the kids version and brings it to me. He loves singing a primary song afterwards and loves it even more when his dad chimes in. Everything is cooler when dad does it too. 

Talking about dad, they went camping for the first time together. With Scout (the dog). Bret's new best friend. Heath says it's now going to be a yearly tradition. To say they loved it, is an understatement. Although I missed them and worried about them, I was grateful for the time I had to recharge my batteries and patience (and spend time with Mia of course), as well as the time they got to spend together as father and son. 

Check out my mountain men. So good looking and pro-like!

I love Bret and the sweet little toddler-baby-boy he is. 

He is helping more around the house. When I sweep, he gets the dustpan and once I sweep it in, he throws it in the trash and then yells "YEEEEEEEEH!" for a good 10 seconds afterwards to celebrate. So, it's pretty cool doing chores with him because every chore accomplished, gets a loud and strong cheer!

He's growing up so fast! 

So let me just end by saying:

Bret, 

Thank you for being my son. For hugging me when I'm angry and kissing me when I'm sad. Thank you for caring for your little sister and trying to entertain her when mom is busy. You are such a good helper and Mia LOVES you to pieces! Thank you for painting with me, dancing with me (even though I am not very good at it), and singing with me! Thank you for wanting to have story-time every night for hours! Thank you for your reverence during prayer (even when they're long-winded). And thank you for teaching me to see life through your eyes. It's pretty magical isn't it? 

You are my pride and joy! My baby boy! 

And I love you so much! 

Happy Year and a Half! 

I wish time would slow down. It's so bitter-sweet to see you grow. 

You were born to do GREAT things son! You have already accomplished a lot and I can't wait to see what else you've got up your sleeves!

Te amo mucho mi nene hermoso!

Con amor, 

MumMh!