JUST. KEEP. SWIMMING

*The alarm goes off

It's 5:00 am on a weekday. I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave the comfort of my warm bed. 

I'm 15 years old and my ride is here. Groggily I put on my pants over my swimsuit, a coat, and I head out the door to meet my friends out in the car. 

Less than five minutes later we get to the pool. 

It's 5:15 am and it's time for practice. Gotta take off the towel and stretch. The coach is talking now telling us what our warm up is going to be. 

Okay. I have to jump in now. But I don't want to. I know the water will be cold. I'm still sleepy, I'm still warm. I don't want to jump in and be cold! 

I close my eyes. *SPLASH*

Eeek! It's cold! "It's okay", I tell myself "just keep swimming". The more I swim, the better I feel. I do a flip turn. One more lap and I can feel it's getting easier. Easier to breathe, easier to stretch my body, easier to move faster. Suddenly, I loose myself in the water. I feel like I'm gliding and honestly being woken up at 5 in the morning is not so bad now. 
My body tells me, "this is good for me! Keep going!" 

It's the end of the work out. My body worked hard. I'm wide awake now and I love how my body feels as I cool down. I feel stronger. 
I feel ready to conquer the day. 

----

It's 1:00 am now on a rainy Monday. More than 10 years have passed since my swim team days. My motherly worries now keep me awake.
I see my baby girl snuggled warm in her pack and play. I know that in about 30 hours, she must go in for surgery.

But she's only a baby! Babies shouldn't have to get surgeries. Surgeries are for when you're older and you've used your body more. Not for when your body is brand new!

As the clock keeps ticking, I can feel it approaching.

-I don't want to jump in! I don't want to be cold!-

I look at her peaceful frame asleep in her bed and can feel her say, "It's okay mom. We can do this! We have done it twice before, we can do it again!" 

"This is good for my body."

I tell myself to keep going. Eventually, it will get easier to breathe. As time goes by my brain will stretch with knowledge and understanding. My heart, though it aches at times, will continue to grow with love and patience. I will be able to learn faster and loose myself in the care of my daughter so she can have THE BEST chance at a good quality of life. Then, spina bifida won't feel so bad anymore.
Just. Keep. Swimming.


---
In my head it's post-op and my baby is in her hospital crib. I know she's sedated and still asleep. In an attempt to comfort her as she starts to wake up, I put my finger in her little hand. She moves a little and gives me a sleepy smile,

"See mom? It all worked out. I feel stronger now. I am now ready to conquer life"

*Sigh*

I love my baby girl. We can do this! We WILL kick spina bifida's butt!